Never Again
by BloodOfAReptile
Summary: Twilight/BtVS x-over. Bella has a chance meeting in a club with yet another vampire. Future!Bella. Twilight is AU from the break up in New Moon.
1. Never Again

Title: Never Again

Summary: BtVS/Twilight. Bella has a chance meeting in a bar with yet another vampire. Future Fic. AU for Twilight post-"the break-up".

Disclaimer: None of them are mine. I just play with them.

Note: First fic I've had the courage to put up in a very long time. Please be gentle.

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I sat up on the second floor of the club and watched the people below: dancing, drinking, and some subtle debauchery. I was bored and alone and looking for some fun, but no one was striking my fancy.

And then I saw her. She was dancing by herself as if her life depended on it. Average height, thin, pretty. She wore jeans that looked painted on and some sort of top contraption that showed off the lovely pale shade of her skin and her... assets, while still managing to be more modest that most of the females gyrating at this club. I watched for some time, but as near as I could tell, she was by herself. She didn't look at, or signal anyone. No one approached her looking like they wanted to talk. Hopeless blokes kept trying their luck with her, but she didn't even notice. She just kept on dancing, lost in the music, long brown hair swaying and whipping around her.

I watched her for who knows how long, absorbed in the way she moved. And a little absorbed by the way her body looked in what looked like some designer threads. I was man enough to admit that.

When she finally took a break and went to the bar, I followed. I stood next to her and prayed that she wouldn't notice I wasn't there in the reflections from the mirror behind the bar. I could do without screaming tonight.

She ordered a double of vodka, and I was surprised. I'd pegged her for the fruity girly cocktail type, to be honest. I spoke up behind her. "Make that two, and on me."

She spun to face me in surprise, a question on her face. I shot her my best sexy grin as I paid for, and grabbed, both our drinks. I started up the stairs to the table I'd been at before. I could sense her staring at me from the bar, so I paused and shot over my shoulder "coming?" before continuing on, pretending she didn't exist at all.

I smiled where she couldn't see when I knew she'd started following me. She was huffy and muttering under her breath about stupid, overbearing men and how she couldn't escape them. I tried not to laugh out loud.

I found a booth that was as private as these sorts of places get, and set her drink down next to me. I took a sip of mine and watched as she debated with herself before throwing her body into the booth next to mine and grabbing her drink.

I was hit with a wave of her scent as she moved, and it nearly floored me. She smelled… delicious. And a little bit dangerous, like something I couldn't quite place. All in all, she smelled like my kind of girl.

She grabbed the glass like it was her lifeline and knocked back the hard liquor that was even burning my throat like it was water. It was gone before I could even think about it, which is saying something. "What do you want?" she asked with a hint of hostility and accusation. I always pick the charming ones.

"Can't a man buy a lady a drink without wanting something?" She seemed to relax a bit at the sound of my voice, but I couldn't even begin to imagine why.

"No," she answered back, without hesitation. Cynical too. I was really starting to like this girl.

"Fine," I shot back, playing her game. "There is something I'd like. Your name." She eyed me for a minute, trying to decide how serious this was.

"Bella," she finally said. "Bella Swan." I could hear no hint of lie in her voice, and was more pleased that I should have been that she had told me the truth.

"So, what is a girl like you doing alone in a place like this?" I shot, hoping she'd see my question as ironic instead of moronic.

She eyed me up and down before speaking. "No dice, we had a deal. You wanted info for the drink, and you got my name. More alcohol or info of your own before you're getting anything else out of me." Her words were so final, and she was ferocious for such a little thing. So determined that she was getting her way over the big, bad controlling man.

I had to laugh. "Which do you want more, love?"

She thought about it hard, and I was hopeful. "What's your name?" she said finally, and my heart (or, admittedly, something lower) lifted a bit.

"You can call me Spike, love," I said. I was a suave as I could be, and I nearly fell out of the booth when she snorted.

"Try again," she said with humor in her voice.

"William," I choked out, stunned. Wait, what? Did I just tell a stranger my real name? I hadn't told anyone that in years.

"That's a nice name," she said. "Why would you want to go by Spike?"

"It, er, has significance," I muttered before I realized that I was now down in this little game we were playing. I tried to recover. "So, are you buying the drinks now, love, or are you going to answer my question?"

"What am I doing here?" she said, verifying the stakes. When I nodded, her face took on an expression I couldn't read. She reached for her wallet a few times, before finally putting her hands on the table. I held my breath, hoping she'd answer. "I'm trying to forget."

The look on her face was so sad for the briefest of moments. "About what?"

She looked at me, and the lion was back. "No way, buddy. That story will cost you another drink."

I grinned at her. "The same?" She nodded at me, and I slipped from the booth. "Will you wait here?" I left off the 'for me' at the end of my question, but she seemed to hear it anyway. She considered me for a long moment, and if my heart beat it would have stopped I was so nervous. What the hell was wrong with me? She finally nodded, and I escaped to the bar, trying to regroup while I ordered more of the same for us. I opened a tab using a credit card, hoping I would be here for a while.

When I got back up to the upper level, I half expected her to be gone. But she was still there, waiting for me, and staring down at the crowd with a look of intense longing on her face. Before I could analyze this new emotion, she'd noticed me, and it was gone.

I sat back down and passed her the glass. I kept my eyes on her to see if she'd down it like she had the last one, but she took her time with this one, finally grimacing at the taste as she sipped it. Now that I was feeling better about her mental stability, I eyed her with intent, and she knew what I wanted.

"My entire life," she said with just a hint of bitterness. "You see, my best friend…" she trailed off. "No, it's more to do with her… Oh, never mind. It's too confusing."

"No, pet," I said, encouraging her. "I really want to know." And, shockingly, I did. I cared about what was wrong with this woman. I was losing it. I took a swallow of my drink, trying to clear my head. I couldn't keep a smile off of my face as she took a swallow of her own liquid courage.

"I'm best friends with a girl named Alice. She's so great, I can't even tell you. But she's a little too… perceptive, and sometimes I just need to get away." She paused, and took another drink. I knew she was leaving out some major plot points with her little summary, but I didn't want to stop the words now that they were flowing, so held back any questions I had.

"I used to… date," she said the word like it was distasteful and I couldn't work out why, "her brother. In high school. He was… the love of my life." My heart sank a little at those words, but I still couldn't interrupt her story. She continued in a whisper. "He left me for my own good."

Her bitterness was back full force, and I was a bit annoyed to find that I wanted to make her feel better again. I was a vampire, for hell's sake. I was not fluffy, damn it.

"But he won't stay out of my life. He's… really good at reading people, and he finds out too much about my life from Alice. The family lives an… alternate lifestyle, which is hard on them and he hates himself for it, and he tortures himself unnecessarily when it comes to me." I had to admit that this made little sense to me now, but I was wrapped up in her voice and her sinful smell and maybe the tiniest bit in her pain, and I wanted her to keep going.

"I love their family, I really, really do, but sometimes I just need a god damned break from all of the drama. I never got what I wanted when I was with him, and I still don't to an extent. So I decided I was going to have a night that is /mine/ away from it all." She looked so sad, talking about not getting the things she wanted that I wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her until it all went away, then run her to the nearest store and buy her everything in it. I ran that through in my head again. What? No. I did not want to kiss this strange, drunk, over-sharing, lovely, delicious girl. Not at all.

"So I came here. To dance, to get drunk, maybe forget everything for a while. To have part of one of these 'normal lives' I hear so much about, but never really had." She looked up to find me staring at her embarrassingly attentively. She gave a short, sharp laugh. "And now I've told you too much about my life. You can run away now. Thanks for the drinks."

She moved to get up, and I put my hand on her shoulder and stopped her. "Don't go," I said quietly. And before she could mistake me for a pansy, I added "I think I owe you a drink. Or a story, at least." I said it lightly, trying to cheer her.

"You don't owe me anything, William. Thanks for the company." I couldn't let her leave. I did the only thing I could think of. I slammed down the rest of my drink, then grabbed her again, and pulled her forcefully back into the booth. I paused for a half a second, but she didn't seem scared, so I plunged ahead.

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. She clung to my duster like it was a lifeboat as I hovered my face in front of hers. She didn't protest, so I kissed her. And to be clichéd, the world exploded.

I reached my hand up to touch her face and tried to deepen the kiss. She froze in my arms. Before I could even think about what the problem might be, she pushed me hard away from her, and I let her.

"Oh, hell no," she hissed fiercely at me – the lion was back. She was on her knees on the both next to me, facing me, panting like she'd just run a race.

My mind reeled, and before I could ask what was wrong or what she meant, she'd leaned towards me and tugged my black t-shirt up, exposing my stomach. While I didn't mind, I was confused as hell as to what she was up to. Just a minute ago, she was pushing me off of her, and now she was trying to strip me in the middle of the club.

She carried straight on and laid her hot little hand on my cold, hard stomach. "Damn it," she cursed vehemently. She jumped out of the booth and was halfway out of the club before I managed to follow her. I easily caught up anyway, and went with her out into the street while she hailed a cab.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused and desperate for her not to leave.

"I am never doing this again!" she screamed in my face.

"Sorry, pet… have we dated before?" I said, sarcasm taking over. Finally, a sensible reaction out of yours truly.

A cab pulled up and she opened the door before turning back to me. "I've had enough of stupid, macho, manipulating, _vampires_," she said, spitting the last word at me before slamming the door and speeding out of my life.

Oh. That.

My head reeled as I watched the cab race out of sight.

Wait. She'd dated a vampire before? I smiled into the night and walked away whistling, hoping I'd run into Miss Bella Swan again sometime.


	2. Coffee Confessions

I gave it a couple of days, but I still couldn't get the girl from the club out of my head.

Bella Swan. She was gorgeous, she smelled great, she was sharp and witty and could hold a conversation… not to mention holding her liquor. She had been all-around a great way to spend one of my endless evenings.

Plus, she knew what I was. OK, she may not have had the best reaction to my undead status, but she knew.

This train of thought was making me sound like a nancy. I needed to man up.

Which lead me to here and now: standing in front of the top floor flat in a posh apartment building holding a flower. Yes, a flower. My plan to man up had, in fact, failed completely and utterly miserably.

I knocked on the door and waited. I could hear faint sounds of life inside and knew she was there. I wanted to break down the door and demand she talk to me again, but played it cool. My patience was rewarded when she opened the door without asking who it was… and apparently without checking the peephole, if her reaction was any indication. She was as beautiful as I remembered, once again in some obviously very expensive clothes. These were simpler than her outfit in the club had been, but she didn't look any less edible.

"You!" she shouted. "Did you track my scent? Are you here to kill me? That doesn't make sense, Alice would have said…" She trailed off and looked at me expectantly.

"Track your scent?" I sneered at her. "I'm a vampire love, not a bloodhound. There's this genius device called a phone book. Swan comma Isabella. This address." She gasped when I said vampire, but more in shock that I'd admitted it than surprise, if my guess was right. "And no, I'm not here to kill you. I was hoping for coffee."

She was looking a bit chagrined from the phone book thing, and was off kilter for my coffee comment. She repeated "coffee" faintly before finding her wits and her voice again. "You can't drink coffee," she said, accusingly. Then I could practically see her brain engage as she scrunched her nose a bit. Not that I was watching her close enough to see the scrunched nose. Or that I even cared that she scrunched her nose adorably. Not that it was adorable. Oh, sod it.

"You drank alcohol," she said, her voice hard to read. A mixture of accusation and wonder. I couldn't follow her at all on this one.

"Yeah, I drank alcohol. And today, I will drink coffee. Remarkable thing I have, this mouth, that lets me do it. Oh, and talk. Which is what else I was after. After a few hundred years you become a sucker for stimulating conversation. Now, what do I have to say to make you kick your lovely behind into gear and head to Starbucks?" Perhaps I had imagined this girl being confident and witty. Had I drank more than I'd thought? She seemed so limp and fragile compared to the spitfire I'd engaged with last night.

Then it was like she could hear my thoughts. You could practically see her spine grow. "Wait here," she growled at me before slamming the door in my face. It opened less than two seconds later, and she grabbed the flower from my hands, then slammed it again, leaving me standing empty-handed and confused in her hallway. I don't know why I was listening to this obviously deranged and bipolar human female. Well, I do have a track record for being attracted to the crazies. I waited for her.

I listened to her small noises through the door in the empty hallway for what felt like an eternity. For all I knew she was running away or perhaps calling some vampire goon squad to stake me.

My fears proved to be false when the door was yanked back open probably less than ten minutes later by Bella, now flowerless and wearing a jacket and some freshly applied lip gloss that smelled like strawberries. Strawberries had never smelled better.

She ignored me completely as she stalked over to the bank of lifts and poked the button fiercely. She didn't even look at me when I joined her, so I ignored her just as hard as she ignored me. We stepped into the lift together and she stared at the floor on the way down, her body a picture of tension. I tried to subtly inhale deeply. Her scent was overpowering in the small space and it was even better than I remembered. I could spend all night in this place, just breathing her in.

I have officially lost the plot. I'm a vampire. We do not make mushy comments about humans. Even in our heads. This would be my new mantra, and I would repeat it all night if I had to.

She looked up once as the lift slowed its gentle descent as we came to the ground floor. She stared into the mirrored panel and her mouth opened a little as she only saw her own reflection. Her head whipped around to look at me, and her eyes widened when she confirmed that I was there. I was starting to suspect that something was rotten in Denmark.

She stayed silent as the lift doors opened, and practically ran from the tiny mirrored room and into the lobby. Much to my surprise, she didn't keep running. Her spine came back, and she just started walking to the Starbucks up the block. She stole my trick and didn't check to see if I was following her.

Of course, I was. Pathetic little puppy that I apparently was now. She joined the queue and I slid in smoothly behind her. She continued pretending I didn't exist.

When she got to the counter, I smiled a little to myself as she ordered a mocha with marshmallows. "Make that two," I added from behind her. To her credit, she didn't jump, or even turn and stare at me. She heaved out an aggrieved sigh and finally spoke.

"It's on you," she announced, echoing back to our first conversation. I bit back a grin as she continued, "I'll find us a table." She flounced off to the back corner of the shop in search of a private table, obviously proud of herself. I happily paid the chap behind the counter and took our drinks to the table.

She grabbed hers and took a sip. She stared at the marshmallows on top as if the held the key to existence. She finally, very quietly, said, "what are you?" Her voice was a whisper.

"You were right at the club, pet," I responded with a bit of confusion. "I'm a vampire."

"But you can't be." Her voice stayed at a whisper.

I laughed out loud. "News to me." I laughed again at her confused expression.

"You're serious about this?"

"Absolutely," I said without hesitation.

I could see the gears in her brain turning and I would kill a man to be able to hear what she was thinking. Of course, I'd kill a man for looking at me funny as well, so maybe that wasn't the best sacrifice I could think of. "You don't have a reflection," she finally said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," I responded. That finally got a giggle out of her. I grinned at her and she smiled back and some of this bloody tension was suddenly gone. I relaxed enough to bring up the heavy stuff. "I thought you had been around vampires before, pet. Why does everything seem so shocking to you?" I asked it as gently as I could, hoping she'd remain the lion I knew she was instead of reverting to the wet kitten I'd seen glimpses of today.

"I have been around vampires," she said defensively. "I still am! But they're not like you." She trailed off and looked thoughtful again, which I had to nip in the bud before things got awkward again.

"How are they different?" I was trying to keep the conversation flowing now that things were normal, or as normal as they could be, again.

"They've all got reflections, to start with!" She all but shouted at me. The reflection thing always does freak people out. At least she wasn't screaming. So many of them screamed. I get rotten headaches from it.

I had to ask the obvious question. "Did they drink blood, pet?"

"Of course they drank blood! What kind of question is that? Some vampires they would be if they didn't drink blood!" She had the sense to lower her voice for this little tirade, and practically hissed the words at me. The lion was back, and I liked it. Even when she was pissed off with me.

"Just checking," I tried to say soothingly. "You've hit the nail on the head though."

"What are you talking about?" She was frustrated now, I could tell.

"All blood drinkers are technically vampires. Well, those that have to drink blood for survival are, at any rate. But there's more than one kind."

"Oh." And then her brain was churning again. This girl was too introspective sometimes. A part of me missed the kind of girl that let you know what she was thinking all the time. A much larger part of me was kicking that part's arse, because this girl was something different and special and I couldn't work out why. Or why I should care. Or why I did care. Not that I did. Because I was a tough-as-nails vampire and absolutely wouldn't care at all about this girl. Right.

I waited for the barrage of questions that would surely come after that little revelation. She finally looked up and opened her mouth, and I was sure her first question would be about my diet. And, in a way, it was. "Do you eat food?"

It was my turn to be eloquent. "Huh?" That wasn't what I was expecting in the slightest.

"Like, human food. Do you eat it?"

"Not really. Liquids, yes. A bit of Wheatabix crumbled in a nice bowl of blood, sometimes. Chocolate, maybe. Cookies, sometimes. But not like a four course meal or anything. My body can't use it for sustenance, so I only consume things to enjoy the taste of them."

She looked thoughtful again and it was driving me mental. She wasn't doing any of the things I'd expect, but that was probably why I liked her. She sat her glass down on the table and I was surprised to see it was empty. I looked down at my own and I only had a few swallows left, so I finished it off. I sat staring at her like a mental patient, not sure what to say or do.

She stood up and started to walk away. I stared dumbly after her, feeling right sorry for myself until she turned around a few steps from the table and spoke. "Aren't you going to walk me home? The city is full of dangerous things."

I stood up and walked over to her, looming awfully close. "I'm one of them," I whispered in her ear.

She laughed, a rich, tinkling laugh. "Probably. But you're not a danger to me."

Another blow to my ego then. I nearly bit her just to prove I was a villain, but decided that would be counterproductive. "Are you so sure about that, love?" I put my best glower into it.

She laughed at me again and said "yes" as she walked to the door and out into the night, with me following like the whipped man I was. I walked her to her door without incident. She unlocked it and started inside, then turned around and looked at me with a strange expression on her face.

She stared so long I nearly asked her if I had a mocha mustache. "Will I see you again?" she finally asked.

"Do you want to?" I was surprised, honestly. I was fascinated with the girl, but so far all I had done was stalk and confuse her while admitting to being a dangerous, blood-drinking, creature of the night. Oh yes, and force her to share details of her life in exchange for alcohol. Anyone rational would be running away screaming now.

"Yes," she said simply and I nearly fell over. I stared at her, unable to come up with anything suave or cool or, well, anything to say. She flashed me one brilliant smile and said "Wednesday. 7pm. Here."

Then she shut the door in my face for the third time that day.

"Who is overbearing now?" I called through the door and I was rewarded with another laugh from her.

"Be there!" she shouted back, then I heard the sound of her footsteps moving away from the door and I took that as my cue to leave.

I headed out into the city, feeling like I had lost the game with her for the second time in a row. What was this girl doing to me? All I knew was that I would be here on Wednesday. The Hounds of Hell couldn't keep me away.


	3. Nibbles and Vampires

I was at her apartment at 7pm on the dot. I tried so hard to play it cool and turn up fashionably late, but the pull was just too strong. I was evil, damn it! Well, sort of. Graying whitish hat, actually. But that is not the point.

The point was that this girl always seemed to have the upper hand on me. Me! I was behind in whatever this little game we were playing was and I didn't like it. Once you've got a couple centuries under your belt, shouldn't this sort of thing get easier?

I vowed that I was going to win at this thing on Wednesday, whatever it was. To start this out right, I spent six hours worrying about whether or not I should bring anything. I was hopeless. At this rate I should have cut out the middleman and brought her my bollocks on a bloody silver platter.

The flower thing had gone down well. Er, I thought it had at any rate. Maybe she'd put it down the garbage disposal once she took it inside the flat. But she did take it from me, so I thought that was at least a start. I picked up another single blossom to take with me and hoped she wouldn't think I was cheap. I was worrying more than a Jewish grandmother these days.

I wanted to buy a bottle of vodka, the good stuff, to take with me, but I didn't want to send the wrong message. I wanted to get the girl to talk to me, not get her so liquored up she could only slur. Though she had proved she could hold the hard stuff in the bar. And maybe I'd have a better chance if she was pissed and I was sober. But that would be cheating, and I needed to win of my own accord.

I ended up there empty handed aside from my single bloom, fretting in front of her doorway about whether I should dash to the corner store for something, anything else. When I finally pressed the bell, I could hear her moving inside. She opened the door and just looked at me and I could have melted. "Hello, William," she said with a little smile. I waited for the familiar flash of irritation at the name, and I was dead surprised when it didn't come.

"Hello, pet," I said. I stood there awkwardly, not sure what she was intending to do tonight.

She was the lion again, I could see it in her features and how she held herself. She gave me a wink before darting forward to steal the flower from me, just as she had last time. She went dashing off into the flat, and I was damn near heartbroken that I couldn't chase after her and play her game. Which made me mentally kick myself for being utterly whipped again before my brain caught up with the circumstances.

She didn't know I couldn't go in. Shit. I hated trying to explain things like this. It never went well. And we were usually back to the screaming. And the headaches. Being undead isn't all it is cracked up to be sometimes. It's not all slaughter and games, there's also a lot of screaming and headaches.

She came creeping back through the living room and to the edge of the short hallway. I could see the kitten in her posture now, and I felt a pang that I had done that to her. She thought I didn't want to play, which was about as far from the truth as I was from my senses.

"I, er, need to be invited in, pet," I said, quiet and almost ashamed. Since when was I ashamed of what I was? Oh yes, since I'd gone completely barmy trying to impress a human girl.

"What?" she said, shock and confusion all over her beautiful face.

"I can't enter a human dwelling without an express invitation," I responded, just as quietly as before. She inched closer as I spoke until she was standing in front of me.

"Why?" she whispered back. I knew this was it, the last moments I'd have. Hell's bells how I hated all the weird things that went along with my pathetic existence.

I looked at the floor as I answered, unwilling to watch the realization dawn in her eyes before the horror crept in. "To protect the humans, love. From my kind. From me. Sometimes it's the only defense you've got. And once you've given it away, it's hard to take back." If she were smart, she'd slam the door in my face after hearing that.

She was quiet for a long time, but she didn't move away from me. I finally summoned up the guts to look at her, and she was staring at me with an odd expression on her face. She lifted up her hand and held it up just inside the threshold, palm out and flat. I knew what she wanted. I raised my hand to mimic hers and pressed forward until I felt the barrier and could move no more. She stared in wonder as she could see my flesh flatten out like it was up against the thinnest glass in the world.

I was too busy drowning in my own misery to notice that she wasn't horrified like she should be. I pushed for all I was worth against the barrier, and apparently I wasn't worth much because nothing shifted and I was still too other. She looked up from my straining hand and into my yearning eyes.

"Please come in, William," she said in a clear, direct voice. My lion was back, and she wanted me to know she wasn't afraid. She should be. And wait. Since when was she _my_ lion? Hopeless, I was.

I wasn't expecting the invitation and was still absentmindedly pushing against the barrier. When the invite kicked in, my hand rushed forward and crashed into hers. With reflexes I wouldn't have expected, she caught it and pulled me inside, laughing again. She shut the door behind us and led me into her living room. I was losing again. I just knew it.

Her living room was strange. It was like two people had an argument about how to decorate it and they both half won. There were sleek, modern, expensive pieces and little homey, careless bits all bunged in together and given a swirl. The effect was a bit odd, but seemed to fit the girl in front of me. She stood there, patient and adorable while I took in her flat.

I tried to tug away from her to explore, but she tightened her little grip on me and led me into an adjoining room that proved to be a dining room. There was a spring in her step as I let her drag me through her penthouse. The living room had been huge and opulent, and the dining room followed suit. The expensive, tasteful decorations won out in this room – it was pretty solidly formal. I wondered again what, exactly, Bella did to have digs like this.

The rather enormous dining table was entirely covered with food. And not just any food, but little delicate nibbles of food. Chocolates and cookies like I had mentioned; loads of different kids. And other things that seemed carefully selected to have nice flavors, and some that were just delicacies. My eyes moved slowly from one end of the table to the other, just taking it all in. When I got to the very edge, I had to laugh. She'd managed to find a box of Wheatabix somewhere, and it sat proudly on the table next to all the fine food she'd gotten. My eyes went a little further and I saw a couple of bags of blood sitting on a tray of ice.

She'd really listened to me that day in the restaurant. She'd asked questions and she'd cared about what I said and she used it to try to make me happy. And it definitely didn't bring a tear to my eye. Not at all.

"Blood?" I asked, keeping my face away from her. There was no way she was seeing that. I had a few shreds of dignity left.

She knew what I was asking. We always seemed to be in perfect synch. "I, uh, know a guy," she said vaguely, obviously not liking my line of questioning.

I let it slide, basking the sheer pleasure of the sight before me, knowing that Bella had done all this for me. After too many years of being second best and tossed aside, someone had done something just for me.

I wanted to tell her what this meant to me. To spill all my secrets there in her private domain, but I held back. Not just because I wanted to win tonight's game, but because I didn't want to darken this place with my past, spilling my secrets like blood on her carpet. Oh, devils and demons where the hell had that come from? I thought I'd firmly crushed that poetry thing for good in the 1940s. Apparently not. Note to self: resume work on eradicating bad poetry from personality.

"Thank you, Bella," I said with as much sincerity as one can put into a voice. I was rewarded with a brilliant smile and it made my moment of weakness in front of her almost worth it.

We both took a selection of food and headed back to the living room to sit and eat, given that her table was otherwise occupied. We settled into the couch. She sat cross legged on the expensive furniture, sideways and facing me.

I was thrilled to see the two flowers I'd brought her were on the coffee table dead in the middle of the room, in a small crystal vase. She must like them, then. I made a mental note. Not that I was going to be bringing her loads of flowers or anything. I was too evil for that.

We had a bit of inconsequential chatting and a few breaks to refill plates and glasses. Then she sprung it on me. "Shall we have question time again?" she asked, too cheerfully.

"And whose turn are you deeming it?"

"Yours. I've fed you," she said proudly.

I couldn't just let it slide. No giving in that early for this vampire. "Ah, but I've graced you with my presence," I shot back, trying to be charmingly cocky.

She knew what I was doing. "Not a chance, buddy," she said with a wicked little grin. "You are definitely going to answer some of my questions tonight. I've put in a lot of effort, you can reward me for it."

I knew when I'd lost. Her expression was set. "One for one?" I tried hopefully.

"I'll tell you when it's your turn," she replied. I was losing again.

I sighed. "Fine. We'll play it your way. For now," I threatened.

She just laughed her smug little laugh. "OK, first question. What is your name?"

"Don't be daft, we've covered this. You squeezed 'William' out of me, but I'm known all around as Spike."

"No, what's your name," she said back. I still didn't get what she was driving at, and she knew it. "When you were," she hesitated, searching for a word, "alive. What was your name then?"

Oh. That. "William Pratt," I answered. It had been a long time since I'd thought of that and it felt strange to say. The words had an unfamiliar feel in my mouth.

"How old are you?"

"Er, in body or in years, pet?" I asked, not knowing what number to give her. There were too many possibilities.

She hesitated for the first time in our little interrogation session. "Um, both?"

"I was born around 1850 in London. I don't know the exact date. I was sired in 1880, and I've been aged at about 30 in physical terms. I'm hovering somewhere around the 160 mark in total." I said it casually, hoping she wouldn't panic about this new bit of information. She took that bit of info with a stoicism that I didn't expect and I wondered once again about the vampires she had known. Had she been desensitized to the point where my age didn't seem impressive? I was a bit miffed at that.

Her questioning then took a dramatic turn. "Where do you live and do you have a phone?"

"Who doesn't have a phone? I've got a mobile and a landline, I'm swimming in the technology, love." She made me write down my numbers and my address for her. While she fiddled with the paper and pen, I took the opportunity to have a closer look at some of the knick-knacks around the room.

There was a grouping of framed photographs on the table behind the couch and I stared at them openly. One was of Bella and a girl who looked about eighteen or nineteen in the face but was absolutely tiny. Her sister? They were laughing with their arms around each other.

There was an older woman with a man, I'd wager Bella's mother. A man in a uniform with a mustache, who I'd peg as dad. A younger Bella hand in hand with a huge Native American kid.

And finally, a picture of Bella with a group of ridiculously attractive people, all paired up. A man and woman who were slightly older than the rest were off to one side, looking parental. The tiny girl from the other photograph was wrapped up with a blonde guy with ridiculous hair who looked really intense. A blonde ice princess was paired up with a huge bear of a kid. And then there was Bella. Bella all wrapped up in the arms of a kid who could give the poof a run for his money in the "angelic face" department.

My heart seized up a little as I looked at that photo. I panicked a bit, then my brain checked in with the rest of me. The photograph looked at least a few years old – Bella was much younger in it. Maybe even younger than she had been in the one with the other boy. I relaxed a bit. I don't know what I was thinking – she'd not really shown any interest in me beyond curiosity.

I should have known my study wouldn't go undetected. When I managed to tear my eyes away from the table, she was staring at me. "You can ask," she said.

"Who are the people in the photos?" I said, falling straight into what she wanted me to do. She went through the photos one by one. I'd pegged mom and dad, Renee and Charlie. The bloke with Renee was her new man, Phil.

The Indian kid was named Jacob, and was a good friend of hers. "And a werewolf," she added hesitantly, waiting for my reaction. When I didn't give her one, she continued mischievously "and my ex-boyfriend." That got her a little growl and she grinned like she'd won the lottery.

I pointed to the picture of the other girl. I was dead wrong. "Oh, that's Alice," she said offhandedly.

"Best friend? Sister of ex that is over-involved in your life?"

"The very same. You've got a good memory."

I shrugged and pointed at the last picture, wondering if the poncey looking guy that was touching her was the infamous ex.

"That is a picture of me with the Cullen family. Alice's family. The two off to the side are their adoptive parents, Carlisle and Esme. The couple there is Emmet and Rosalie. Alice is with Jasper. And I'm with Edward, her brother." It was him. Bugger. It seemed Angel would be more her type than yours truly.

I wanted to ask her the story and I didn't at the same time. I was so curious and desperate to know for myself, but I was worried that it would hurt her. I am the most pathetic vampire alive. Er, undead.

"You can ask me," she said. The damn girl could apparently read my mind. "It was a long time ago, mostly. I was 17, 18 when he left me. It's been six years since then."

I knew probably better than her that the amount of time meant nothing when it came to dealing with pain, hurt, and betrayal. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, sealing my fate. Oprah said that, not vampires. Maybe next I'd get my own talk show.

She shrugged and looked at the picture. She didn't start and I didn't pry. I moved for an easier kill. "What's the story with the digs and the threads, pet? Are you an assassin or an expensive call-girl?" I was hoping she'd laugh and snap out of it.

I got my wish. "Neither. Alice is the story. The Cullens have money. A lot of money." It figures that poof junior would be rich too. "Alice comes and stays with me sometimes. She doesn't want to stay anywhere that doesn't hit her quality rating, hence the apartment and most of the furnishings. She also likes to treat me like a living doll and dress me up. I've lost the will to fight it over the years and let her buy me clothes as long as she doesn't go too over the top. It's just easier. Alice is a force of nature," she added with a laugh.

"Good to know what you really think of me," said a musical voice from behind me. I spun around in shock – it was damn hard to sneak up on me and this tiny girl had.

She was just as perfect as she looked in the picture. As a matter of fact, she looked identical to the picture. That was six or seven years old. Then she moved a bit and her scent wafted across the room and I smelled the danger I kept smelling on Bella, only in full force – the aromatic version of surround sound. Then I registered the lack of heartbeat and everything fell into place for me.

Alice was a vampire. Which meant that her family were vampires. Which meant that Edward, the self-confessed love of Bella's life, was a vampire.

I was sodding well second again.

I was up and out the door before I could rationally think about what I was doing. I fled that beautiful penthouse apartment and the beautiful girl in it and I didn't stop until I reached the chilly night air on the street below. I regretted leaving, but there was no way I was going back up there with my tail between my legs, having to explain my reaction and sounding like a nancy boy.

As was the pattern with this girl, I walked off into the night, worse off than I'd begun.

---

A/N:

1) I've always thought Bella had more hormones that brains. Of course, I would too were I faced with Spike on my doorstep…

2) Spike… poor Spike is damaged and has a complex. He's come second in both the relationships he's had, and never really been loved. Bella scares him – she's admitted that Edward, another vampire, was the love of her life. This feels like the same old thing all over again, even though he's not really admitting to his crush yet, even to himself.

3) Is this going to slowly for people? I intended it to move quicker, but Spike apparently likes the sound of his own voice.


	4. Visionary

After my oh-so-manly fleeing from the flat, I set out in a random direction. I had a few hours until sunrise. I needed violence. A good spot of pounding on someone always cleared my head. I was searching for some demons to kill, some vamps to dust, or even a good old-fashioned bar brawl to get the blood pumping. Er, figuratively.

I lost myself in a tangle of cramped, dark alleyways, hoping for a fight. I went up one and down another until it could safely be said I was in the bowels of the city, and the most likely place for a demon to be lurking. It rather perfectly started to rain, which I manfully ignored. It wasn't like I could get sick anyway.

I decided to head more uptown, and made the appropriate turn when tiny Alice appeared in front of me like she'd gone to Hogwarts and learned to apparate. She looked so out of place in the dark and dirty alleyway – small and helpless. She smelled like danger, but I couldn't find it in myself to get worked up over someone who was about five feet tall. I'm tough, I could take her if it came to it.

I decided to ignore her. Whatever she had to say, I wasn't interested in. I didn't even particularly care which side she was on in this little battle, if there were sides at all and it wasn't just in my head. If she was here to threaten me away from her little human friend, she could piss straight off. I'd done more than enough on my own to make sure that wasn't an issue. I wouldn't be able to take any threats from the tiny bird seriously anyway.

If she was angling for Bella and I to get together, she was likely insane, and it was too damn bad. I wasn't ready to get involved yet again with someone for whom I was the second choice. At least this time I wasn't losing out to the poof. I don't think my ego could take that again.

I turned around to head in the other direction, and the damn girl was in front of me again. I threw a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure there weren't two of her. The alleyway was empty that direction, so I spun and took two steps forward, head down.

I crashed straight into her. I took the same two steps backward and just stared at her.

"Are you done yet? I could do this all night." She sounded bored.

"How are you doing that?"

"My breed is fast. Oh, and I can see the future." She said it like I would say I liked a good fight. Like it was entirely normal. For all I knew, it was.

"Er, do all of you do that?" I couldn't bring myself to use the words. It reminded me too much of Dru and that was a big, steaming crate of pain I wasn't willing to open up right now. Not that Dru affected me. No, I was a stone.

"No, just me. Some of the others have other gifts, though." She paused for a long minute. I turned to go again, and for once she wasn't blocking my way. "Don't go, Spike."

I stopped. "Did Bella tell you my name?"

"Yes." She had more to say, and I knew it, so I just waited, my back to her. "I know who you are." She finally added. When I didn't respond, she carried on. "William the Bloody. Order of Aurelius." I slowly turned to face her. Was it this tiny girl I'd have to fight tonight? It hardly seemed fair. I wanted a good brawl, not an easy stomping.

When she had my attention she kept talking. "Railroad spikes. Angelus, Dru, Darla – the Scourge of Europe." She took a step toward me and her voice grew softer. "Sunnydale. The slayer. A Champion." I felt each word like a punch in the gut. "LA. Apocalpse."

I didn't have any words. How did she know so much about me? She must have read the question in my face. "You're a little famous, and I have the internet, connections, and a lot of money. I saw you in Bella's future before you two even met and I had to know. She means a lot to me, you know."

The rain had picked up and it drenched me and dripped off my hair, my nose, and my fingers. I was soaked everywhere permeable. Alice looked absolutely perfect. I was not amused.

"Does this mean I have your seal of approval?" The question came out sarcastic and a little broken. I was happy with the sarcastic bit. Need to work on the rest.

"She'll be good for you… and you'll be good for her. If you can both stop dancing around this thing between you and open up. Tell her the truth. The whole truth."

The girl just kept staring at me and I couldn't help but to crack a joke. "And nothing but the truth?" It came out weak and half-arsed. Damn.

Alice sighed and rolled her eyes at me. "Yes, Spike," she said in exasperation. Then her manner softened and she gave me words of hope. "She won't be afraid of you. She'll love you for opening up to her. She wants more than love, she wants an equal partnership. If you can be the man to give that to her, she'll be yours." She spoke with the voice of prophecy, the voice of a seer. She was too sure of herself. The entire thing was pissing me off. I'd had enough of the future-seeing bullshit with Dru.

"I'm not a man, love," I said, the words distasteful in my mouth. I might not be a man, but I wanted to be more than a monster, and maybe I could admit that I wanted it for this silly human girl that I had just met. No, I couldn't admit it. It had nothing to do with Bella at all. Right.

"But you're more than a monster," said Alice, very seriously. I nearly fell over when she seemed to hear the words that were in my head. I shot her a questioning look, but she ignored me. "You're wavering now," she added, "I can see it. Everything hangs on your choice. Please make the right one. Don't let pride and machismo get in the way of this."

"What about your brother, ducks?" I said. "Shouldn't you be on his side in this?"

She snorted. The petite, put-together girl in front of my actually snorted. I think I could grow to like her. "Edward… has done a lot of stupid things. Things that have made no one happy. He's my brother, but Bella is my best friend. She deserves to be happy, and I want that for her."

"And you think that I am the key to this happiness? Love, I'm evil, only slightly reformed. I'm as likely to kill her as I am to save her." That might not be strictly true, but who was counting?

Alice just stared at me like she knew I was completely full of it. How she managed to fill a stare with such derision and boredom I'll never know. The minutes seemed to drag on for hours while I waited for her to say or do something. It didn't even occur to me to do something about it, I was too caught up in trying to work through her words.

When she finally spoke, her eyes were slightly unfocussed and her voice took on that special timbre that true seers had. "The choice is yours. Your path can lead straight to her, or right back to where you have always been. Choose wisely." Alice was there, then gone. She was so damn fast.

I felt her more than anything just a second before I heard her voice in my ear. "She could be everything you want." And then she was gone, and I was alone with too many thoughts.

Luckily, I knew what the cure for too many thoughts was: stop having them. This left me with few options, but I was a master at them. My options were the bloodshed I'd set out for, or to get well and truly blindingly drunk.

As a fight didn't appear to be forthcoming, I set out for a bar to drink myself into oblivion. I found a shady looking establishment, hoping that both my patented thought-removal processes would come true in one tidy package.

I plonked myself at the bar and ordered a double of vodka straight up. I threw it back and demanded another before the barkeep even had time to turn away. It is not easy for a vampire to get blindingly drunk. It took money and a steady dedication to inebriation. I was just the vamp for the job.

I could only pray to whatever hell gods out there that looked after wayward vampires that I wouldn't start spilling my problems to the bloke behind the bar. Sitting in some dingy bar, getting pissed by myself, and spilling my guts to the barkeep over a girl were not high on my list of things I'd like to do. Nor were they very evil. Not at all in keeping with my image.

I was halfway through my third drink when my mobile phone beeped in my pocket. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I was halfway to drunk, and I hardly ever had anyone contact me on it. I wasn't used to the noise and vibration.

I flipped the cover open to see a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I opened the message, and if my heart usually beat, it would have stopped. It was from Bella.

S – R U OK? Sorry if

Alice shocked you.

She's stealthy.

- B

Short, simple, to the point. Careful avoidance of the word "scared". I was beginning to think this girl knew me better than she should. I started to get suspicious. Bella didn't act like she knew much of anything about me, but her best friend was entirely too well informed. Was there cheating going on in this game of ours?

Something about that idea didn't seem right, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what. I quickly sent a message of my own back to her.

B –

I'm good. Nothing

to apologise for.

Sorry for leaving so

suddenly.

- S

If I breathed, I'd have held my breath waiting for a response. I didn't know what she thought or if I'd ruined any chance I might have once had tonight. I also wasn't even really sure I wanted the chance even if I had it. All this plus the alcohol was making my brain a not very nice place to be. She thankfully didn't make me wait very long.

S –

Care to make it

up to me? Lunch

tomorrow?

- B

I was guessing that she didn't quite have a grasp on some of the finer points of my nature. Lunch was definitely out.

B –

Lunch no good for

my condition. Dinner?

- S

I hoped she'd get a kick out of me calling it a 'condition'. Even if this wasn't going to be a thing, I didn't want the girl upset with me. And there I went again. Just call me Spike the eunuch.

S –

My place. Dinner. Same

time, same place. Do

try to make it all the

way through this time.

- B

I hoped I was reading that right and she was trying to tease me. If that was the case, then she didn't sound irrevocably angry with me. That relieved me more than it should. Suddenly the prospect of oblivion followed by a hangover didn't sound as appealing.

I left the bar and set out in the direction of my own flat. The sun was rising, and I needed to hide from it. I had a lot of thoughts to sift through. Oh, and some sleep probably wouldn't go amiss either. I needed all of my faculties to make it through whatever tomorrow would bring with Bella.

---  
A/N - this chapter is slow but oh-so-necessary. Spike needed a kick in the butt thanks to his mini-meltdown, and Alice was just the one to deliver it. I love Alice. Now I'm in a good place to get back to the Spike-and-Bella goodness, I promise! The path to true love never does run smooth!


	5. Cracks in the Ice

A/N: This part is for megbristow. She's left lovely reviews every time, but they're unsigned, so I can't write back! Thank you! I have really appreciated every comment you've made.

---

I didn't sleep very well, despite my attempts. I tossed and turned for hours thinking about Bella and my odd encounter with Alice Cullen. My head told me to just forget this girl and get on with my unlife. I didn't need any more complications. Experience had taught me that this sort of thing could only end badly. My dead heart thought otherwise. And it had the power of a Seer on it's side. I gave up and decided I would go back to see Bella that night and fell instantly asleep.

Which is how I found myself standing in the now-familiar hallway holding a single flower. This is the height of my patheticness. I wasn't even sure I could like this girl anymore, and I was still bringing flowers. I'm such a pansy. Er, no pun intended.

I knocked and the door opened faster than I would have thought possible for a human. And that was solved by the fact that it wasn't a human that answered it. "Hi, Spike," chirped Alice.

"I didn't know this was a group date," I said, sarcasm clear in my voice. It was so much easier to be rude with Alice.

"It's not," she sang back, her cheerfulness undeterred. "I was just hanging out here. I'm heading home now. Have fun you two!" She said the last sentence louder, intending Bella to hear it. She held the door open for me and I went past her into the living room of the apartment. I dimly heard the sound of the front door closing and locking as I stared at Bella on the couch. She was curled up on one edge of it and looked more nervous than I'd ever seen her.

"I didn't think you'd actually come," she said, not looking at me.

"I wasn't sure I'd come either. You wanting me back was also on the uncertain side," I said back. The words came out before I could stop them. Vampires do not show fear. What was I doing? Oh yes, losing all credibility. Nearly forgot.

She gestured for me to sit down and I did. "So, what now, pet?" I asked.

"I've got food." I glared at her, and she looked away. Knowing what I was after, she continued. "Alice said we should talk. That I should tell you everything. She wanted me to tell you that she advises you to tell me everything."

"Yeah, she got that point across last night."

"She's very thorough," said Bella. Silence reigned in the room and it was damn uncomfortable. I wanted this over with and I didn't know what to do. Food was out, I was too nervous to eat anything. Bella didn't look particularly inclined either.

It was finally too much for me and I broke the silence. "You can ask me anything you want, Bella." I used my most serious-yet-non-threatening voice. I was shocked to find that I had said the truth – she could ask me anything and I'd answer. Lies and double-speak were tools of the trade, usually.

She barely even had to think once she had permission. "Why isn't daytime good for you?"

Should have known that would come up sooner or later. Please, please no screaming. "The sun… it, er, burns."

"Burns?" she said in shock. "Like, it hurts you?"

"Yeah," I said morosely. "It hurts. Then I start to smoke a bit. Then it burns. Sometimes there are flames. All in all, not a pleasant experience. I'm stronger than most, so it's not as bad – I can handle brief exposures and only actually flame if I'm out in bright daylight for quite a while. I'm one of the rare ones that goes out at all during the day."

I waited for her reaction and the silly girl didn't give me one. She took everything in stride and it was starting to unnerve me. She just looked thoughtful, sitting there all curled up. "Is it different for your friends?" I finally asked, trying to snap her out of her funk and into this conversation.

"Yes," she said absentmindedly, obviously still thinking. "They glitter."

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. Loud. And then I couldn't stop myself. I doubled over and my stomach muscles started to ache from it. I knew she had to be staring at me. I tried to get myself under control, but then another vision of a vampire standing there and glittering in the sun hit me, and another huge wave of laughter hit me. "Glitter," I choked out. I may have fallen out of the chair I was sitting on. If anyone ever says that to me, I will deny it. And possibly kill them.

My indignity did the trick though, Bella giggled. Then started laughing herself. A little bit longer for both of us, and the laughter tapered off. The damn film of ice over our fledgling relationship had broken though, and things seemed back to normal. Or as normal as things ever got with Bella and I. I liked the sound of that. Ugh. No I didn't. Hated it, as a matter of fact.

"It is kind of ridiculous, isn't it?" she said. "Tons of vampire stories floating around, and they never sparkle. Leave it to the Cullens."

"Highly ridiculous," I said dryly, settling into my position on the floor. "Do you want to tell me more about their nature, pet? We can compare then." I figured it was the easiest way to tell her about me.

"Well," she started hesitantly, "they're cold to the touch, hard as rocks, impossibly strong and fast, never sleep, eating and drinking real food is unpleasant for them, and their natures don't change much over time. They once described it to me as being nearly stone themselves. They're so much stronger than humans that they have to be really careful around me or they'd kill me accidently. Also, the glittering. The ones of their kind that drink human blood have bright red eyes. The Cullens all abstain and their eyes are gold. The smell of human blood can send them into a frenzy where they have no control." By the time she got to the end, she was on a roll. She'd really given me a lot to work with though.

"Well, we're really only loosely related," I said. She looked at me with interest. "I sleep. You've seen me eat and drink. I am strong and fast, though I don't think I'm as fast as Alice. Not really rock-like. Human blood doesn't make me crazy. And you've felt my skin, so you know my temperature."

She nodded. Bella sure knew how to roll with the punches. I wondered if she'd always been like this, or if her relationship with the Cullens had altered her. "William?" she said hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Do you…" she trailed off. I couldn't work out what she would be embarrassed about asking me. I just waited until she was ready, and she finally mumbled "What do you eat?"

Then it dawned on me. She wanted to know if I killed people. Fancy worrying about that after you invited the vampire into your home… "I don't kill people for food anymore, Bella," I said seriously. She needed to know the whole truth about this. "I used to though. I killed people for hundreds of years with a song in my heart about it. I ended thousands of lives with no remorse."

"What changed?" She was looking more like my Bella now, alive and curious.

"It's a long story," I warned. "I'll need to start at the beginning. My beginning."

She didn't look put off by the prospect of hours of me droning on about myself. "I've got time," she said, confirming my suspicion. She looked so happy and curious and edible that I couldn't say no to her.

With an unnoticeable (I hoped) sigh, I launched into my story. "I was born William Pratt in London around 1850. My family were fairly well to do, and I tried to belong – be a part of society." I could hear Alice's warning at the back of my mind. Now was the time. I had to decide what to tell this girl, what light to paint myself in.

Instinct told me to keep up the façade that I held for the world. No use damaging my reputation over a human girl I barely knew. The Alice's words flashed in my brain – 'she could be everything you want' – and my decision was made. I'm love's bitch, always and forever. If this girl had even the slightest chance of being mine, I had to reach for it, forever hoping to grab on tightly. God, there I went again with the sodding poetry.

I knew then that I wanted this girl, and it was time to stop the charade. "I thought myself a poet. No, I longed to be a poet. But I was awful. I read something I'd written to a girl and everyone I knew mocked me. They called me 'William the Bloody'. As in 'Bloody Awful Poet'." I was so ashamed at the words that were coming out of my mouth I couldn't even look at her.

"I fled and ran into Dru. Drusilla. She was the most beautiful woman I'd seen in my mortal life. She was also completely and utterly around-the-bend crazy. She'd been tortured in life before she was eventually turned, and her mind was beyond repair. She was a Seer, like your Alice." I could feel Bella's eyes burning into me as I shared my darkest secrets.

"Dru sired me, and brought me back to her family. Angelus, who made her, and Darla, who made Angelus." I kept talking. Now that the words had started coming out, I didn't seem to be able to stop them. I talked about Angelus and Darla, the twisted relationships we all had and the mayhem we wrought.

I doubled back and talked about my mother and what happened, knowing it would be important later. I still couldn't look at Bella, but I knew she was hanging on my every word. I could hear the tiny reactions she made as I spoke. When I talked about my mother, she slid off of the couch and came over to kneel on the floor in front of me. I still didn't look at her, and she hesitantly reached out and took my hand.

Hell and damnation, I let her. She held my cold hand in her warm hand as I talked about one of the largest sources of pain in my entire life. She squeezed it when I finally reached the end, having to stake my own mother. I finally looked at her, and there were tears in her eyes… But no pity. That released something inside of me.

I reached the other hand out and gently wiped the tears from her face. She blinked, and offered me a weak smile. I kept my eyes on her as the words started flowing again. My entire history with the Scourge, my time with Dru, killing both slayers.

And then Dru leaving me, coming to Sunnydale and meeting my third slayer. I slipped in the history with Buffy and Angel to set the story for my own drama with Buffy when the time came. I got to the Initiative and it was harder to talk, but I pressed on through.

She finally interrupted my epic monologue. "Is the chip still there? Is that why you don't kill people?" She seemed a bit upset by the idea.

"No, pet," I said gently. "That was just the start of it all. The chip stopped me, and it was a rough transition. I didn't care about people – they weren't anything more than happy meals on legs. Then I got put out of the game by the chip. The Scoobies took me in and I started to get to know them as people, and it all started to change. It took a long time, but I got there."

She seemed mollified, and I pressed on. She stiffened a bit when I talked about falling in love with Buffy, but got over it when I talked about her death. My soul and the first evil and the destruction of Sunnydale seemed to knock her for six, and we hadn't even gotten to the ringer yet.

"You DIED?" she screeched. "How are you here? Did they resurrect you like the Slayer? How would that even work if you were a pile of ashes?"

"Calm down pet, I'm getting to all of that," I said. She just glared at me. I opened my mouth to continue my tale when I felt the familiar internal tug that signaled dawn was fast approaching. I tiny tendril of fear wound around my heart. Dawn was danger, and I was far from home and safety… to far to make it there in time. "Uh, Bella?" I said tentatively. "It's near dawn," I said, quietly. I hoped she'd work it out and not make me say it.

She was smarter than even I was giving her credit for. She didn't even need to think about it. "Your apartment is too far away, isn't it?" When I nodded, she kept going. "You're welcome to stay here for the day, but the only room I have without windows is the bathroom." She gave me a little smirk, no doubt flashing back to my days chained to the tub in Sunnydale.

"That'll do, pet," I said truthfully. So long as I wasn't flambéed Spike, I was happy. She led me to the bathroom and it was nothing like the Watcher's. It was nearly bigger than my bedroom in my own flat. I had some money, but this was ridiculous. She looked vaguely embarrassed as I gaped.

"Wait here," she said as she flitted off down the lightening hallway to what I assumed were the bedrooms. She was back with nearly vampire speed with an enormous pile of bedding and pillows. She dumped it on the floor and swiftly arranged it into the bathtub. The bathtub that, I might mention, looked easily big enough for four people. When she was finished, the tub looked about as comfortable as my bed. "I hope it's comfortable," she said, as she gestured toward it.

I thought she wanted me to get in, so I humored her. "It's great, pet," I said truthfully. "You heading to bed now?"

"Is your story done?"

"No, there's a lot more. Too much for tonight, I think."

"I want to hear it," she said it with such finality that I couldn't deny her. I patted some of the empty tub area in an invitation, which she happily took and crawled in with me.

I launched into the bizarre tale of my time at Wolfram and Hart, from ghost-me all the way through to the Apocalypse and the dragon. She stayed rapt with attention through the whole thing.

"Buffy and the rest of the slayers finally came through for us. They descended en masse on LA, and threw their weight behind us. After it was all over, we'd ended up the winners, but at a high cost. A lot of people we cared about didn't walk away. Most of us ended up striking out on our own. I think we'll come back together eventually, but for now… I think we all need some alone time."

"Wow," she said when it seemed I was done talking. Finally, I might add. "Your life is so much more exciting than mine. I don't even want to share my story with you, it's so boring and insignificant in comparison."

I surge of impulsive bravery took hold of me and I took leave of my senses. I grabbed her hand and kissed the back. "But I want to know." She stared at me, wavering between shock and suspicion. Then she let out a huge yawn.

I looked around and couldn't tell what time it was, but the residual light from the hallway and other rooms seemed really bright. "I think it's time for sleep, pet," I said, trying to sound like I meant it. In truth, I wanted to stay there talking to her forever. I was completely hopeless.

"That's a good idea," she said back, punctuating it with another yawn, "but all the pillows are in here."

I shifted a bit and tried to grab a few pillows and hand them to her, but before I knew what had happened, she'd shifted herself and laid down next to me, kind of curled up a bit. "I guess I'll just have to sleep in here too," she added, sounded very self-satisfied.

"You and I need to have a talk about exactly who is overbearing," I said, trying to sound cross with her and failing. She giggled a little and sounded half asleep, so I conceded defeat. I pulled the covers up over her and laid down myself.

This was torture. Wonderful. But still torture. I resigned myself to another sleepless night. At least this one would be pleasant.

--------

A/N: Aww, Spike is softening a bit. Too OOC? I think it fits, as he's starting to fall for her, and Alice has given him a push off the cliff. He's got a definite soft spot for the women he loves. But I wrote it, so am likely biased…


	6. The Dam Breaks

Ch 6: The Dam Breaks

I woke up slowly, which was unusual. Usually my consciousness came screaming back to reality, looking for attack at any moment. I felt… relaxed. I could almost even call it safe, if I ever felt /unsafe/ in the first place. I was the Big Bad!

I kept my eyes closed as I basked in this feeling. As my senses woke up, I realized that I felt warm. I never felt warm. My brain caught up with that thought, and I focused on the warm. It wasn't me - it was only bits of me. There was a localized area of warmth of my side, radiating over my chest and abdomen.

I was happy and comfortable and didn't want to move a centimeter, but curiosity always did get the better of me once my brain got on a track. I slowly opened my eyes and for a panicked moment couldn't work out where I was. And why my throat hurt. And why I was in a bathtub.

Then it all came rushing back to me. The run-in with Alice. Meeting Bella at her apartment. Talking all night about my history. Hell, what had I done? What had possessed me? Maybe that was the answer. Had I been possessed? None of the usual signs, but I couldn't rule it out.

With my fresh realizations, it dawned on me what the warmth next to me must be: Bella. She's stayed with me the night before, I remembered now. I looked down, and sure enough, there she was. All snuggled up into my side, arm thrown across my abdomen and her head on my chest. Huh. I wonder when that happened.

My body reacted to her proximity and I didn't necessarily try to discourage it… until I thought that she might not like to wake up in a compromising situation with a vampire. I wheeled through all manner of strange things to calm myself down. The first things I hit upon that worked were thoughts of the Watcher in his own compromising situation. Yup, that turned it right off.

It dawned on me that if I was warm, she must be cold. Being the ponce I now was, I apparently couldn't tolerate this state of affairs. I decided to try to extricate myself from her embrace so she wouldn't be cold. Every tiny shift of movement I made only caused her to cling to me more tightly.

I had to wake her, I didn't want her to get sick. If she got sick, she wouldn't want to do this again… and I definitely wanted to do this again. No I didn't. Oh, who the bloody hell was I kidding? I'd give some very important body parts to do this again. "Bella," I said quietly, shaking her a little.

"Few more minutes," she mumbled against my chest.

"Bella, you need to get up. You're too cold."

"What?" she seemed confused as she struggled awake. Then she seemed embarrassed as she worked out the position she was in. "Oh, god. I'm sorry, William. I didn't mean to…" she trailed off, not wanting to voice where she'd found herself.

"It's OK, pet. I don't mind," I tried to assure her. I didn't mind was a joke – I actively wanted her there but didn't want to scare her off. "I just thought you were probably too cold."

"Oh." She seemed to struggle with herself before speaking again. "I like the cold. I got used to it. Edward, then Alice." She hesitated again. "Do you want to hear about it now?"

"Pet, don't you have, er, needs to attend to? Personally, I'm hungry. We didn't get around to eating last night."

"Good point," she said, as her stomach let out a little growl. "This might be a plan." She sighed as she heaved herself out of the tub and I kicked myself for not anticipating this and helping her. I was so soft. "I've got food for you, too," she added on her way out of the room. The girl was so thoughtful. I was a goner.

The girl had more bags of blood in her refrigerator. One day she was going to have to tell me how she was getting this. We had breakfast together and talked of unimportant things, just trying to get to know each other better. When we had cleared everything away she hesitantly asked if I would mind waiting while she had some human time.

"Why don't I run home and change while you have your human time, pet? I can be back in an hour." If she wanted me back. Oh, shit. What if she didn't want me to come back?

"That would be great," she said cheerfully, kicking that fear back to its grave for the moment. I helped her clear the bedding out of the tub before heading off to my own place for a shower and a change of clothes. No power on this earth would get me to reveal the temperature of the shower. No power on this earth.

I turned back up at her place exactly an hour later, and she was expecting me. She was freshly washed herself and in new clothes. She let me in with a radiant smile, which made me grin at her in return. What was wrong with me? Vampires did not grin.

She led me to the couch, and I spoke up. "Is it your turn for story time tonight, love?"

She seemed surprised that I'd brought it up. "Are you really interested?"

I was dying… well, that wasn't strictly true as I was already dead, but I was eager to know. I didn't want to show her that, though. I could play this cool. "Yes, Bella." Crap. There went playing it cool.

She looked doubtful, but said a reluctant "OK" as she settled in. Tonight made a pleasant change from last night already – she started out sitting next to me instead of across the room. I could be knocked over with a feather. Bella was obviously mental. She wasn't at all fazed by my dark and violent past… and, well, my dark and violent nature. She was obviously not right in the head. Spike: magnet for crazy chicks.

"I moved to a town called Forks, Washington the summer before my junior year of high school. My mother had just gotten remarried and wanted to spend time with Phil, so I moved in with Charlie, my dad, for a while. I was happy to do it, it made Renee happy.

"I started school and met the Cullen family. At first they wouldn't have anything to do with me, or anyone else. Except for Edward."

I could practically smell what she was going to say about Poof Jr. He, of course, would have been drawn to her or some other poetic bullshit and their epic romance would have begun, a forbidden love. The whole idea made me feel sick.

Bella, unaware of my impending vomiting, carried right on as if I wasn't having very important commentary in my head. "Edward treated me like I was a plague carrier, and I couldn't figure out why. He was horrible to me and ignored me and was just generally unpleasant."

Oh. Well, that wasn't what I was expecting.

"I later found out that some people smell more… appetizing… than others to the Cullens. In Edward's eyes, I was designed to drive him insane." Him and me both, then.

"In an effort to not kill me and expose his whole family and the life he had built, Edward dedicated himself to getting to know me as a person and not just a meal. I was still oblivious at this point. Then he saved my life. I was about to get hit by a van, and he stopped it with his body. I knew then that he wasn't normal.

"I worked out what he was, what they all were, and it didn't matter to me. He was falling for me as well, and it all just kind of came together. The family accepted me among them and I seemed to round out the family. Edward was the only one without a mate, and he had been alone for almost a hundred years."

If she was throwing around words like mate they had either been very serious, or they hadn't briefed her at all on vampire culture. I was sincerely hoping for the latter. I was so far gone already, I wasn't sure my heart could take it if I was that far down in second place. I'd been tricking myself into believing that I had a shot at tying for first, at least.

"We had a typical epic romance. I was a teenager and convinced that he was my forever love, only in a literal way. We were pretty co-dependent, looking back on it. He also had some really disturbing stalkerish tendencies – coming into my house at night and watching me sleep." She was right. That was disturbing. Nearly at an Angelus on the scale of disturbing vampire behavior. I wondered if he still did it, and could barely contain my rage at the thought.

"Then some people-eating vampires randomly came through the area and one became obsessed with hunting me. There was this whole thing where I nearly got turned. James had bit me, but Edward saved me again. He sucked James' venom out of my system, and then managed to stop before draining me. . Thus, in his head, proving his love for me and that he deserved me… and at the same time planting the seeds that his world wasn't safe for me. He didn't understand even then, though. I wanted to be turned. I begged him to make me like him, so I could be with him forever… and he said he valued my life too much for that.

"We had a fantastic summer. Full of love and wonder. I also got to know his family better, and Alice and I were like peanut butter and jelly. We just fit together. She's the sister I always wanted, the sister of my heart. I was nearly as close to her as I was to Edward." I loved that she had someone like Alice. I sensed that she was going to need a friend like that at some point in this story.

"Then my 18th birthday rolled around. I was depressed. I didn't want any reminders that I was getting older while they all were staying exactly the same. They threw me a party anyway." I hoped that they, or at least Alice, had learned to respect her wishes a bit more, or I was going to have to administer a lesson in respecting Bella's choices. A painful one. I let out a tiny growl and Bella looked a bit smug over it.

"There was a minor disaster with plates, I ended up cut to ribbons. Jasper, Alice's husband, tried to eat me. He's not great on the not-eating-people front. Edward saved me. Carlisle, Edward's father, sewed me back together. He's a doctor."

"Wait, a vampire doctor?" That didn't sound right.

"Yeah. I know how weird it sounds," she said, reading my mind again. "He's been at it a long time. He's a really good man, William. He's trying to be more than what he was given. He's learned to control his bloodlust." Amazing, given what she had said and implied about this breed.

"Anyway, Edward went mental. He decided that he and his family were too dangerous to me. He made them all pack up and leave town in what felt like the biggest hurry ever. He tried to do it in a way that would cause me to move on, so he tried to break my heart. It worked. He had this whole big speech about how he was fickle and I was boring and that he was moving on. It was the worst, most horrible thing to hear. My self-esteem was pretty shot and I believed him.

"It nearly killed me. I was nearly catatonic for months." It was my turn to comfort now. I could hear shades of old pain in her voice as she talked about what had to be one of the worst times in her life. I took her hand as she had taken mine yesterday and she gave it a grateful squeeze. "The worst part was that he took not only him away, but he took away Alice, who would have been the person to get me through it." Bastard. I hoped Edward didn't hang around much anymore. If anyone needed a good dusting, it was him. Actually, maybe I did hope he came around…

"He was trying to do the right thing, but it was just a disaster. In the end, I renewed my friendship with a childhood friend named Jacob Black and he pulled me out of my black hole. We got to know each other, everything was going smoothly.

"One day, after months of dancing around each other, Jake kissed me. And I kissed him back." She seemed embarrassed by this, a theory that was swiftly proved when she tried to justify that kiss to me. "Edward had been gone for so long, and taken everything from me. Jake was there, and a comfort, and I just wanted to feel better. And I did honestly like him. If it hadn't been for Edward, I think I would have dated Jake anyway. We fit together in a way.

"There was a slight problem though… Jake was a werewolf and I didn't know. No one knew. The other thing that no one knew was that Alice's sight didn't work on werewolves." She got this confused expression on her face. "Oh, crap. I need to tell you how her sight works for this to make sense. See, Alice can only see the paths that will happen from a decision. Like, if I'm going to burn myself with coffee, she can only see the burn once I've decided to drink the coffee. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, pet," I replied. It was actually a really handy gift, that.

"Well, the instant that I decided to fall into a relationship with Jacob, I disappeared from Alice's sight. She absolutely panicked and came rushing back to Forks. She found me alive and well, but cozied up to a werewolf pack. She gave me a solid lecture on personal safety, then a crushing hug.

"She called the rest of her family and told them that she was coming back to Forks, with or without them. She didn't want to be away from me any longer. Edward put up quite the fight, but Alice persevered in the end and they all came back." Bella sounded far away, lost in her memories.

"He didn't tell me that the things he said to me before he left were lies. He was a fool. He just came back and tried to rain all over my relationship with Jacob. The truth about them leaving didn't come out until a few years later. The whole thing was a disaster. Jake and Edward got into some territorial pissing contest over me. I finally grew a backbone and told them both to take a hike." She shifted in her chair and seemed really uncomfortable. I didn't think it was a fault with the expensive furnishings, though. I rather suspected it had more to do with the tale she was telling. I kind of guessed what was coming next.

"Edward has been on the periphery of my life since then. Alice is near the center, so he unfortunately knows more than he should, thanks to his mind reading. She shields what she can from him by reciting foreign alphabets and all sorts of silly things in her head, but she can't do that all the time. I wouldn't expect her to even try."

She seemed sad now, and I didn't know how to fix it. "He still loves me, Alice swears it. And some days I can see it, too. He's still got some of his creepy stalker tendencies from our relationship and obsessively tries to protect me from getting hurt. But he won't back down. He's convinced that I need to have a normal life, and that I can never have that with him. He never understood that I didn't care about a normal life."

"I went to college with Alice. She did fashion design, I did business studies. When we graduated, we started our own company and we've been quite successful. She's using makeup to try to extend the time period that she can be Alice Cullen in public before she'll retire to a private life. But I've never been anywhere near to normal. I haven't really made any human friends, I spend most of my time with either vampires or werewolves. I've never dated anyone human, either. I never asked for normal.

"The night at the club, I'd had a bad week. Run ins with Edward, and I just wanted away from them all for a while, even poor Alice. She tries so hard, and I love her so much, but she's just as pushy as Edward in her own way. Sometimes I really resent that he knows so much about me through her, too. She knew what I was planning, and encouraged me to go. Now I know she knew that I'd find you that night." My heart gave a little leap when she sounded happy about meeting me.

She gave a little laugh. "Alice had Emmett threaten Edward about the vague stalking. She said it had been years and was ridiculous and he needed to snap out of it. She's trying to save us all from a confrontation with him."

This was the life that Bella thought was so ordinary and boring. She really was crazy. She seemed pensive now, like she'd said more than she had planned to. Oh, did I ever know that feeling.

"So, that's my life. Feel free to run away now."

She looked so vulnerable sitting there, all her secrets out in the open. I could see why she'd never found a human boyfriend, she would never be able to tell them the truth about her pain and her baggage and they would never understand her. The last thing I wanted to do was run away from this beautiful, messed up girl.

What I wanted to do was kiss her. I opened my mouth to ask her if I could, but then I remembered that I was evil and didn't care if she objected. I shut it again with a snap. Besides, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

I leaned toward her swiftly, trying to keep the element of surprise on my side. She was definitely surprised. When my cold lips met her warm ones, she froze in shock.

For all of a few seconds. Before she kissed me back with a ferocity that I hadn't expected, but wasn't really surprised about. This girl constantly sent my expectations spinning and had the soul of a lion. It made perfect sense that she would grab hard onto something she wanted.

Wait. I ran that thought through my head again. Did that mean I was something she wanted? I really hoped so.

Bella fought with me to deepen the kiss, and I gave in instantly. Our tongues warred with each other, and I brought a hand up to tangle in her hair. The kiss seemed to last forever and take no time at all both at the same time.

When she finally broke away, she was gasping for air and looking at me like I was something to eat. Me? I could have taken her right then and there, but that seemed wrong to me.

"Wow," she finally said when she caught her breath.

I couldn't agree with that sentiment more. That kiss had been amazing. "I couldn't agree more, pet." Wait. What had happened to my brain-to-mouth filter? It was worth all the embarrassment when she blushed beautifully and gave me a small smile.

I hated to say what I needed to say next. "I should probably head home, pet. Dawn isn't too far off."

I was secretly thrilled that she looked disappointed with the idea of me leaving. "Will you come back?" She whispered the words, looking vulnerable. I had no idea why she thought I wouldn't be counting the seconds until I was with her again.

"Absolutely. When would you want me to drop by?" I had no shreds of manliness left. It was official.

"I want you here all the time," she said boldly, giving me minor heart failure. Or would, if I could have heart failure. She continued while I contemplated what would constitute heart failure for a vampire. "But I think we'll have to settle for the day after tomorrow. Alice has commandeered me for tomorrow. She says we need some girl talk." Bella rolled her eyes at the last comment.

"Day after tomorrow it is then, pet," I said with a smile. "I'll take you out on a proper date then," I promised. What had I just gotten myself in to? Now I had to come up with a date that would impress Bella, who apparently hung around with the richest vampires in the known demonverse.

"It's a date," she agreed with a grin.

She showed me to the door, and I kissed her again, gentler this time, but no less full of promise.

I damn near skipped home. My reputation should be written off as a complete loss.


	7. Collision Course

A/N: Sorry about the delay in getting this out. I struggled a lot with this chapter and I couldn't get it to a point where I was happy with it. My beta determined for me that this is a transition chapter and they are /never/ easy to write. I also hit a rough patch of Real Life which didn't cooperate with my highly important Online Life. So, I'm sorry again and hope people are still interested in this little story!

Thanks to Laney for the beta. Mistakes are my own. The story is infinitely better with her.

Ch 7 – Collision Course

I spent two days wondering what had possessed me to say the word "date". Or the word "out". Or, for that matter, "proper". I had two measly days to come up with someplace to take her, something to do, that wouldn't be completely dwarfed by all the things the blasted Cullens had taken her to. I'm sure her attendance record was long and varied.

If I'd been smart I'd have played bloodlust and refused to leave our flats. Couldn't muck things up too badly in the flats. But, no. I had to be stupid and impulsive and promise her a date.

Dinner was the obvious choice, but a fancy restaurant wasn't likely to impress her. I'm sure Poof Jr. had taken her to more fancy restaurants than I had even heard of. Plus, it was so bloody typical.

I spent more hours worry about this than I would be willing to admit to, even under truly evil torture. Like Angel singing. Or, for that matter, Angel dancing. Hell, even Angel talking.

In the end, I decided to call in a favor and arranged for a midnight picnic in the park. I was dangerous enough that we would be safe, and it seemed romantic enough to be getting on with.

The night seemed perfect. All of my time with Bella was more than I'd dreamed of for my never-ending existence… but this was something special. It seemed we'd gotten most of the heavy stuff out of the way and could just... be.

She talked, and I liked to listen to her. That was a first. Bella wasn't like the other women I'd dated or had flings with. She had a brain that she wasn't afraid to use, for onewas brainy in a sexy kind of way. And underneath her delicious smell and her knockout looks, she had a hell of a personality.

I think I actually liked the bird. I didn't like people. Or demons. Or, well, much of anything. At least not as anything more than "I'd like to be killing you now". OK, OK. There might have been a notable exception or two in my long and varied history of killing and maiming, but who is keeping track?

I didn't really know how to act. I had a certain image to uphold, and usually my instincts went right along with that. Now, my instincts seemed to be the exact opposite of the image. I was having serious credibility issues.

By the end of the night, I knew more about the fashion industry than I ever thought I would. I also knew that Bella loved the company she ran with Alice, and put a lot of work into it. I began to feel a little guilty that I was taking up so much of her time. Then I decided I didn't care because I'm was a selfish bastard.

When we were finished, I left the mess where it was. I knew the guy would come and clean it up. Or it would get stolen. Whatever.

I walked her back to her building to make sure nothing nasty got her. Other than me, that wasis. "Do you want to come up?" she asked. "There's still some time until dawn."

I wanted to. Oh, hell did I want to. Imagine my surprise when the words that came out of my mouth weren't acquiescence. "Don't you need to sleep, pet?"

She laughed, her tinkling laugh that I loved to listen to. "I'll sleep when I'm dead." Cheeky little monkey. She grabbed my hand and led me into her building and up to the familiar hall.

"I have a surprise for you," she said as she unlocked the front door to her flat. I felt a twinge of anticipation – what on earth could she be up to? She took me by the hand and led me into her living room, then just stopped and stared at me.

"Uh, your living room is the surprise, pet?" I said in confusion. I glanced around a bit. Nothing looked out of place, but the scent of the flat was off. It smelled like… chemicals? And strangers. Well, I thought they were strangers. For all I knew, she regularly had an entire troupe of men in her home.

She just grinned at me and flitted over to the windows. "I don't think you'll be able to see it," she said, prodding the glass. "Alice arranged it, really. I think she did some poking around with her sight."

Maybe I was the stupidest vamp alive - er, undead - but I didn't have a clue what Bella was going on about. "Pet?" I said again, trying to prod her into talking.

"It's the windows," she said, and my eyes strayed to the windows. They looked normal to me. And why would windows be a surprise to me? There were a lot of them and they were always there, much to my detriment on my first night here. Then I started to have an inkling what might be going on. I tried not to think about it, to get my hopes up higher than they reasonably should be. I failed.

"Alice had all the windows replaced with the vampire-safe glass like Wolfram and Hart had," finally burst out of her mouth, and my heart nearly burst out of my chest. My stupid suspicion was right. Then doubts and objections took over and were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Wasn't that expensive, pet? And how did you get someone in at short notice?"

"Hideously. Don't think about it. Not thinking about it is the only way I make it through life with Alice. It was her doing, and she lives for this sort of project. Esme, her mother, helped – she's into renovations and building projects. It got in so quickly because apparently Alice and Esme placed the order three weeks ago."

Three weeks ago. The night we met. I could feel it all running over my face, and I couldn't control my features if I wanted to. Which I did. It just wasn't working.

"Yeah," Bella said softly. "She knew then." She crossed the room and touched my face gently. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers in gratitude and awe. Every day Bella's genuine care and concern for me overwhelmed. I'd never had anyone like her in my life before.

I had always been a tool and a toy for others to use as they pleased. It had made me rough and abrasive. I put on a front for everyone, including myself. This girl, with her simple caring was breaking through every layer of self-protection I'd covered myself in and drilling straight through into my heart.

It was new and exciting and I liked it. I liked it enough to ignore the fact that the drivel I was spouting in my head was very close to poetry and imagery. Yes, I was definitely ignoring that.

I pulled away from her reluctantly. "I should get going, pet. I tend to like myself original instead of extra crispy."

I expected her to giggle at my admittedly underwhelming joke, but she just stared at me. I was beginning to wonder if I had something on my face when she said, "maybe you don't need to go." It came out sounding like one long word, but I picked it up anyway. My unnecessary breath caught in my throat.

I opened my mouth to try to say something. Anything. And I failed. Bella to the rescue. "It's just… it was nice having you here the other night. I felt safe." My mouth still wouldn't work. This was happening all too often. Maybe I had a disease. "You don't have to," she added quickly. "I just wanted to offer. In case going home was a bother." She backpedaled quickly, and I instantly felt guilty.

"I'd love to stay, Bella," I choked out.

She grinned and led me down the hall to her bedroom. "You can even sample the bed instead of the tub this time," she teased me.

William the Bloody, Scourge of Europe was officially staying over at a woman's house to _cuddle_. Just when I think I can't get any lower, a new trough.

The days passed by in a blur of happy moments, each coming so quickly off the back of the other that I wasn't sure they ever ended. There I go again with the drivel.

It was happy though. Bella and I seemed to fit together. Our lives intersected in a natural way. We both went on about our business and everything just seemed to fall into place like it was meant to be.

We had dates and dinners and quiet nights in. Sometimes I stayed at hers and sometimes we went our separate ways. We got to know each other in a more real way than danger and hormones and background. Wait, did I have hormones? Could the dead still produce them?

We were out to dinner one night talking about legends and how they rose up, and Bella started talking about fangs. One little thing sparked the whole thing off. "I think the fang mythology is one of the most interesting developments, really. The Cullens didn't have fangs either. I wonder if it is some psychological need to distance humans from vampires, to make them more 'other' than they actually are."

I was so entranced with her thought process that the ridiculousness of it didn't catch up with me until a few beats after she stopped talking. "Wait, I have fangs!" Then the rest of it broke through my brain. "The Cullens don't?"

"You don't have fangs!" she nearly shouted accusingly. I shot her a glare and she had the grace to look embarrassed. We both gave a quick glance around the restaurant, but no one was paying us a lick of attention.

"I do too have fangs!" I hissed back. I wasn't sure why I was taking this so personally, but I felt nearly insulted that she didn't think I had fangs. I was barking. I quickly reigned myself in. "You just can't see them all the time," I added.

"Like… retractables?" she said, incredulously.

"No," I said, rolling my eyes. "I kind of have another face." She looked at me in horror and I ran that through my head. "Not like Zaphod Beeblebrox two-faces," I added quickly. "It kind of… morphs a bit. There are ridges, and the fangs." I was so eloquent. I felt like one of those moronic movie stars trying to accept an award and losing all control of dialogue. Not that I watch awards shows.

Just like that, her horror was over. Bella could take anything with a grain of salt, it seemed. "It morphs? How? Can I see it? What happens? Do you need to morph to feed? But you drink the bagged stuff without changing…"

I could see the gears in her head turning. "Yes, you can see it," I agreed reluctantly. She deserved to see it, no matter how much I didn't want her to. "I only need to do it if I need to bite someone, pet," I said quietly. "It tends to happen if I lose control. The three 'f's, you know." She raised her eyebrow at me and I kept going with a little grin. "Feeding, fighting, and, er, mating."

Her eyebrows shot to the ceiling, and I could practically smell the deluge of questions that was coming. I was saved by the waiter, then the check, and finally the walk back.

The entire line of questioning seemed out of her mind, but I was pretty sure that it was actually filed away for some new sort of torture at a later date. She didn't even ask me anymore, I automatically followed her up to her flat.

We got inside, and she looked so edible that I decided to take up some more of my new favorite pastime: kissing Bella. Out lips came together and it was the now-familiar magic that had shocked me so much in the beginning. I could have kissed her forever, but she pulled away from me. "Have you forgotten your promise?" she asked quietly with a bit of cheekiness.

"No," I said gruffly. I did not want to do this. My demon face wasn't my best look and I didn't want her to see it. Her damn Cullens apparently had no such problem – they were godlike all the time. Weren't they just special? Glittery, movie-star vampires. How ridiculous.

And, in the darkest part of my core, I was afraid. Afraid that this would be the thing that Bella wouldn't be able to take. The thing that would make her run away from me, reject me. She'd gotten too far inside me now, I didn't think I could make it through this rejection unscathed. And this just proves how far gone I was – I could admit all of this, even to myself.

But I wouldn't go back on my promise. She wanted to see, so she would. Hell, she deserved to see what kind of a monster she was falling into a relationship with. What kind of monster she was letting touch her. I knew that deep-down she didn't understand and she didn't believe that I wasn't like the Cullens.

I had to stop myself from this train of thought or I was going to have to rename myself "Edward Angel" and get my advanced degree in brooding and hair gel. Might as well jump right in. "Go stand over there, pet," I said, directing her across the room. I wanted to give her space to panic if she needed to.

She didn't like it, but she went. When she was far enough away, I let my demon face show. I had resolved not to look at her, but I couldn't tear my eyes away. She didn't look disgusted, which was the reaction I had assumed. I should know better than to assume.

She did let out a little gasp of shock, which I could definitely forgive her for, providing she then didn't run from the room screaming, no matter how sensible that option was. Of course, being Bella, she did the exact opposite of the sensible, screaming solution. Her mouth hanging open a little, she took tentative steps across the room toward the demon-faced vampire. Did this girl have any sense of self-preservation?

It was made entirely clear that she did not when she reached out a hand and tentatively touched the ridges in my face. I let out a little growl. Didn't she know what she was playing with? She gave me a glare worthy of a school headmistress. "Don't be ridiculous. I know you're not going to hurt me."

Was she chastising a vampire? Doesn't she know that leads to death of the exsanguination variety? Well, I had more control than that, but she didn't know that. Flirting with disaster at every turn, my Bella.

She put both her hands on either side of my face and pulled me down until we were staring eye to eye. "You're still William," she said seriously. "I can see it. And I'm not afraid of you."

That was it. My face shifted back with hardly a thought. Did we have any hurdles left to cross in this messed up supernatural world that we both seemed to live in? I didn't think so. Yeah, we'd have the normal relationship nonsense that everyone does, but no more huge obstacles to overcome.

Bella's phone rang, and she gave me a quick kiss before tripping across the room to grab it. "Hi, Alice," she said with a smile.

I could hear Alice's tiny, tinny voice in the phone in response. She sounded panicked. "I slipped up. I'm so sorry Bella." Bella froze at the news and the smile fell from her face and I put it all together. "He's on his way now," Alice continued.

An impatient sounding knock started at the front door, getting progressively louder. "No, he's here," whispered Bella before she dropped the phone. I could hear Alice dimly at the other end of the line, but neither one of us paid any attention to it, staring only at each other.

She stared at me for some time, frozen in place while the pounding on the door got louder. Her face was entirely unreadable, which was frightening because I'd made serious study of Bella's many expressions in the last few weeks.

"Answer the door, pet," I said, breaking the silence at last, "before the pillock breaks the damn thing down."

Bella shuffled off to the door like a zombie. I wondered exactly how rock-like the Cullens were and if I would bruise.

Edward was here.


	8. Pot vs Kettle

Chapter 8 – Pot vs. Kettle

I watched Bella move to the door and it was like the flat was suddenly underwater. Everything seemed strange and off and had a vague wavery sense to it.

She made it to the door and glanced back at me with her hand on the knob. I tried to look encouraging. I think I failed. The last thing I wanted her to do was open the sodding door because I knew that this wasn't going to turn out well. I wanted to stay living in the little bubble we'd been existing in. The world that held just me and Bella and sometimes Alice was a good one. All the bullshit from our pasts and some of our nows didn't belong in that bubble.

While I pondered the virtues of grabbing Bella and running off with her, her hand twisted the knob and the door flung open. And there he was, Poof Junior in all his glory. All the glory of an angry, 17-year-old kid.

Before I even had time to fire off a sarcastic comment, he was through the door and had somehow grabbed Bella and forced her behind him. He was fast, I'll give him that.

He put himself between me and her and let out what I was sure was supposed to be a menacing growl. I laughed at him, which didn't make him happy at all.

"Bella, don't worry," he said. "I'll protect you from this demon. Just go wait out in the hallway, please."

I waited a half a second for Bella to speak, but a glance at her told me that I'd be holding out forever on that one. Just his very presence reduced her. She wasn't my lion anymore. Hell, she wasn't even the wet kitten that appeared sometimes. She seemed more like a wet dishcloth than anything else. She was pale and small behind Edward and seemed to have lost the ability to speak. Damn him.

"I don't think the lady needs protecting from me, mate," I shot at him. "I do believe she was enjoying my company. Why don't you trot off back where you came from and leave us to finish our evening?"

"I saw what you are," he hissed back at me. "And if you think I'm leaving you alone with my-" he cut himself off before backtracking, "with Bella, then you're actually as dumb as you look." He gave me a look that was designed to make me feel about on par with pond scum. It didn't work – I'd run with some true masters of derision, and this pup wasn't even close. "Now, Bella's going to go drive to Alice's while I remove you from her premises."

"Oh yeah? You and what army, mate?" I shot back at him. I had the feeling that I was going to get to do my own scientific experiments about the relative hardness of this particular breed of vampire versus other known demon types. Also known as kicking the crap out of him.

"I don't need an army," he growled before rushing me. He was as fast as Alice, but didn't have the advantage of her sight. He did have the advantage of listening in on yours truly, so I starting humming in my head. Anarchy in the UK. Didn't seem like his sort of thing. Maybe sheer annoyance would put him off his game.

I had years of fighting under my belt that I was willing to bet he didn't. For once, my nightly pummelings (both giving and receiving) were going to come in handy. I could run on pure instinct – no thought necessary.

I moved slightly to the side and used his own momentum to flip him up and over. He went crashing into a wall and I vaguely heard Bella scream. I was too caught up in the fight and the moment and the adrenaline to pay much attention. That was probably my first mistake.

He got up and had clearly learned from his mistake. There was a dent in the plaster behind him. Little bits of wall crashed to the floor as he moved away. He approached me warily, and most importantly slowly. Fantastic – he was afraid to use his speed. Now we'd find out who was stronger.

We danced around each other for a while and I started to get bored. The first sign of a decent fight in weeks and he wanted to pussy foot around. Not having that. As soon as he got close enough, I threw caution to the wind and threw a punch. Worst that could happen? I'd break my hand. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. A few hundred times. I'd broken my hand on finer specimens than this pathetic teenager. The Big Bad had hell goddesses and old ones under his belt.

I connected solidly with his face. Didn't see that one coming, did you? I heard the thudding sound that accompanies a good, solid punch, not the crunching that goes with broken bones and days of recovery. My hand wasn't broken, but disappointingly his face wasn't either.

My hand stung, but wasn't more than I was used to from about half the demons that roamed. He was tougher than a human, that's for sure, but, hey, who wasn't?

What it all came down to, though, was one massively important fact: I could hit the bastard. Excellent.

Edward figured this out at the same time I did. Or maybe he heard it in my thoughts. I could just tell that he thought he'd have an easy time of it. One punch and I'd be a goner. Hah, I'm not that breakable, you arse. He heard that for sure, and flew at me. And then we were dancing.

Punches flew and kicks landed and we were really laying into each other. He was fast, but no stronger than I was. And I had the fighting experience, so gradually was gaining the upper hand.

My senses were alive and the tension I had been carrying around for weeks starting flowing out of me. This was what I had been looking for. A good, old-fashioned brawl. And even better, a no-holds-barred brawl. My night was looking up.

Then a coffee cup bounced off of my head. A saucer went careening into Edward a few seconds later. It shattered against his face and clattered to the ground. The sheer absurdity of it stopped us both in our tracks.

Edward had a black eye forming and some bruises, and I had blood running down my face from a split lip. What a beautiful picture we made. We turned as one to face the source of the flying china.

Bella. Looking furious and glorious and I'd never wanted to shag her more. Did I think that? Shit, Poof Junior growled at me. Must have.

"Both of you stop this right now," she said with a threat in her voice. "I will not have you destroying my apartment and breaking each others' faces." I glanced around the room and felt guilty at the mess of broken knickknacks, furniture, and er, walls, we'd left in our wake. Edward's face? Not so concerned. And I knew my own would hold up – it'd been through the wringer before and come out none the worse for wear.

Edward was staring at Bella like she'd walked out of her bedroom wearing nothing but balloons and holding a pin. He glanced over at me and glared. Whoops. Needed to remember he could hear me. And on second thought, that wasn't even accurate imagery. That might have been my own personal fantasy. Not that I'd think about anything like that. Right.

He was actually looking at her like she'd grown a second head. I guess lion-Bella that I was so well acquainted with didn't make many appearances around Captain Bedhead.

"Edward," she said with the most restrained I'm-talking-like-this-so-I-don't-choke-you-to-death voice I'd ever heard, "William is here with my permission. My express invitation." She emphasized that sentence like it should mean something to him. Had Alice shared about my nature? "I've asked him here and I was enjoying my night and I'll ask you to leave now so I can get on with it."

I could have crowed with satisfaction. And then I did. In my head. And watched him squirm.

"Bella, you don't know what you're doing, what you're asking," Edward started in his King of Pain voice. Wait, Angel was the King of Pain. Edward could only be the Prince of Pain. Hmmm… there's an idea. The Vampire Formerly Known as Edward had a nice ring to it. I digress.

"I know exactly what I'm asking, Edward," she snapped back. "I'm 26, not 17. I've got a pretty good grip on reality. And I'm asking you as an adult to leave my property."

Edward looked gob smacked that she was arguing with him. It took him a few minutes to formulate an argument, and it wasn't one of his better ones. "Bella, he's a monster!"

I couldn't help myself. I laughed. Then coughed to try to cover it up. Then wondered why I was bothering and laughed out loud with abandon. Edward turned to stare at me like I was a mental patient. "Sorry," I choked out, even thought I was nothing of the sort, "it's just that seems like a bit of a pot/kettle kind of phrase, mate."

Edward growled at me again, and another projectile coffee mug came winging across the room. "I'm not having any more of this male posturing bullshit tonight, Edward," said Bella sounding tired. "I know what Spike is. I know what you are. And I'm still asking you to leave."

I noticed her use of "Spike" instead of "William" and tuned out briefly to overanalyze what that meant. I tuned back in just in time to see Edward crumple like he'd been punched in the gut with a jackhammer. I did a tiny internal victory dance.

He made one last ditch effort. "Bella, he's dangerous."

"If he was a danger to me, Alice would see it." Edward looked so defeated I almost felt sorry for the guy. Almost. Instead, I gloated a bit.

"I'll go, but I'll be watching you both." He turned to me and leaned into my face. "If you so much as think about hurting her, I'll know. And I will end you."

I couldn't resist. "Anytime you want to dance, whelp, I'm here."

"William," snapped Bella. She sounded irritated with me. Whoops.

I was never the smart kid, so I couldn't resist one last whispered dig. "I don't think I could hurt her nearly as bad as you've already done, mate."

A glance at Bella told me she hadn't heard. Edward stared at Bella for a long minute, then swept out the door.

I turned to Bella and she just looked at me. "I'd say I'm sorry, pet, but I'm not," I said a bit sullenly. What was with that? I was acting like I'd done something wrong. And I definitely hadn't. He deserved everything he got. That was a good argument. Before I knew it, it flew out of my mouth. "He deserved everything he got."

She kept looking at me. She looked… I don't know. I couldn't describe the look on her face, and I had decades of experience in examining facial expressions. My Bella, always a mystery. Her next words took the wind right out of my sails. "I think you should go home, too, Spike."

She called me Spike again, whatever that meant. And she'd asked me to leave. She'd never asked me to leave before. I just knew the expression on my face was distinctly unmanly. I didn't seem to be able to control my features in the face of this… rejection. At least she'd waited until Poof Jr had cleared out to deal out my own shame.

Bella's eyes softened a bit. "Just… I need some room, Spike. I'll see you tomorrow like we planned."

I took small comfort in this. I felt like a kicked puppy as I made my way through the debris to the door. I couldn't look at her again as I went out and shut the door behind me. I sunk down to the floor in her hallway and leaned against the door.

Inside the flat, I could hear the quiet sounds of her crying. I had apparently fucked up.

"What the crap is going on here?" My mind took a brief vacation from the pit of misery I was currently occupying to recognize the irritated voice coming up the hallway. Alice. "Seriously, Spike. I leave everything alone for a few hours to spend some quality time with Jasper and everything goes to hell in a hand basket. The future is all misery, misery, blah. You all need some divine intervention and I am just the goddess to deliver it."

"Hi, Alice," I responded weakly. I wasn't sure I was ready for this particular whirlwind. A pummeling from Edward, no sweat. 'Help' from Alice, not so much.

"Ouch," she said softly. "Not even a barb for the 'goddess' crack? It must be bad." She walked up the hall towards my camp on the floor and gracefully settled herself down next to me. "What happened? I was tuned out, concentrating on Jasper. I missed the whole thing. All I know is Edward was coming. By the time I'd tuned back in, it must have happened, because the future is back, and it is bleak. If I decide to pay you all a little visit, some options are opened up. I decide to leave you to your own devices, wrack and ruin. So spill!" she ordered me with a nudge to my leg.

"Pushy little pixie," I muttered, knowing she could hear every word. She just grinned at me and stared, knowing I'd get uncomfortable under the scrutiny before long and talk just to get her to take her creepy I-know-everything-and-I'll-make-sure-you-know-I-do eyes off me.

I recounted the scene with Edward right through to Bella asking me to leave. "But why on earth would she ask you to leave?"

"I don't know, pixie," I admitted. I let silence reign for a few minutes. "Alice, she was calling me Spike."

"Oh." Alice looked thoughtful. Oh indeed. "Well, this is nonsense. We're going back in."

Next thing I knew, Alice had yanked me to my feet and we were halfway through the door. Damn, they were fast.

"Bella? We're here, and we're not taking no for an answer," shouted Alice as she stormed through the flat looking for Bella, dragging yours truly along like a handbag.

We found her in the bedroom, teary-eyed and startled. "Hey, Alice."

"This is nonsense," Alice said matter-of-factly. "Whatever the problem is we are going to work it out. And you know why, Bella? Because I like Spike, irritating idiot that he is. And I will continue to like him for many years. Everyone will like him. He adds spice to our lives. But only if you two get it together long enough. So you are going to pull your thumb out. That is all I have to say."

"Uh, Alice?" Bella said seeming vaguely confused. "I'm not mad at Spike."

"You aren't?" Alice said at the same time as I said "You're not?" We glared at each other briefly before turning back to the important thing – Bella. Alice seemed to win our flash-fight for dominance, because she kept up with the questioning. I felt so put through the wringer that I didn't even try to wrest control of the situation back. I was happy for the tiny tornado to somehow fix this for me.

"No."

"OK, if you're not mad, then why the frilly heck are you calling him Spike?"

"Because… tonight I met Spike."

"Ah," said Alice like that made sense. Women.

I was still entirely in the dark. "Pet, you've been hanging out with me for weeks now. We've met before."

"Not this side of you," answered Alice, settling herself regally into an armchair off to the side.

I froze a bit. I guess I had been living in a dream-bubble with Bella. She hadn't hit the reality of my nature yet. I'd probably scared her tonight. Well, shit.

Bella could apparently read my face like a book. "It's OK, Spike. I'm not upset with you. It's just been a really long day and after the scene with Edward I really just wanted some space. And, er, to clean up. Or, you know, hire a contractor." She said that last bit with a little glare at me and I tried to look contrite. I wasn't. OK, maybe I was a little sorry for breaking her stuff, but I didn't regret breaking Edward's face at all.

I desperately wanted to ask a question that I knew would make me look like a pansy. I had to know the answer. Could I do it in front of Alice? Actually, on second though, I'd better. Lord knows what torture the pipsqueak could come up with if I didn't fix this. "Are we OK, pet?"

Bella smiled at me and patted the bed next to her. I was at her side in a flash. "Yes, we are. You're still you. I'm still me. You wouldn't hurt me, so there's no reason to fear you, no matter what your name." There weren't words to describe my relief. Not that I ever doubted. Right.

Bella gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to Alice asking about emergency contractors. Somewhere in the middle of my emasculation, Alice had zoned out on us and I could tell she was having one of her visions. I'd seen the signs too many times before. When she snapped back into reality, she started giggling like she'd OD'd on laughing gas.

"Pixie? What's wrong with you?"

"Oh, I've just seen Edward's newest plan, and it is a gem."

I stared at her pointedly. She refused to budge.

"Alice?" said Bella, quietly doing what I could not do with all the glares in the universe.

"Edward is going to try to win you back," she said with a laugh in her voice. "Things are about to get very interesting."

Bollocks.

A/N: Before anyone says anything: **I don't hate Edward**. I actually like Edward quite a bit. But Spike doesn't. And this is from Spike's POV. And from where he's standing, Edward is an overbearing ass who: hurt the woman he cares about very badly, won't leave Bella alone, and has a bad hairstyle. He's going to seem a little whiny and off from inside Spike's head.

And, oh-so-much was going on inside Bella's head that I wish everyone knew, but alas, Spike does not know so we don't know!


End file.
